Tuesday, March 31, 2009

It's just a simple line.

Life seems so simple when you are young and responsibility free. I sometimes miss those days and find myself frequently living vicariously through my brilliant niece's innocence and curiosity. What I would do differently if I were taken back to her age. Being seven again with the knowledge I have now would have made for an easier path through life it seems, but life isn't suppose to be easy, right? We have been informed of this our entire lives, or at least I have. So I ask, why is it when life gets tough or confusing it comes as such a shock? It seems with all the verbal preparation from our elders we would be more prepared to deal with uncompromising situations rather than allowing them to traumatize or frighten us. For myself, I found that I was going through the motions of life and playing it safe. After graduating from college I found contentment in where I was and what I was doing.  I had a college degree, a secure job that paid well,  a roof over my head, food to eat, and friends and family by my side. I stayed in this frame of contentment for several years. In 2007 I began becoming restless with my path. I decided  that a change needed to be made. Now, I must say that just because I convinced myself of something in my head does not mean I act on it and carry it out immediately. I have too much of my father in me for that. There must be time to consider all angles. I have to think things through to the best of my ability,  rethink the situation again, and then possibly react. During this period of turmoil I often found myself listening to Azure Ray's song, "Displaced". There is a line in the song that still replays over and over in my head. "Am I making something worthwhile out of this place".  I was constantly asking myself that question and reluctantly answering it with a big NO. I do not want to say that I was useless because I was far from that. I just didn't feel like I was doing something worthwhile with my life.  I would constantly question myself asking if I was doing what made me happy. When I look back as a much wiser older woman one day, will I be full of regrets for playing it safe and staying content?  I felt like my answer would be a big fat YES. So, after mentally preparing myself for some drastic changes, high emotions of fear, and obtained loyal help from my family, I set out to make a life as a photographer. I convinced myself for the first time to take a leap, which is huge. I do not do well with taking chance nor do I do well with failing. So, here I am in the midst of a weakening economy deciding that I am going to try and make it as a freelance photographer. I have never been happier with my life. I feel like I am on the right path and thank everyone who has been and who has begun supporting me in my decision. The blogs will no longer be about me, at least not about my inner thoughts and struggles, but a way for me to communicate with the people in my world about the events happening in my career and life. I hope you enjoy and until next time. -me